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26.10.05
growing out of cakes.
so. Utilitarianism is basically pretty much acting on the principle that pleasure must be maximised and pain must be minimised.
then the guys like in their TOGAS and BEARDS decided the duration and sort of pleasure were some different factors so you didnt get all kinds of crazy people killing things for fun and that.
and that it Utilitarianism.
one thing they established that a higher pleasure would be stuff like, art or cutting things out really carefully or tieing your shoelaces.
and lower pleasures are things like EATING and SEX. SEX and EATING.
so then i was thinking about that and today okay i ate a french fancy you know the little cube-ular cakes that are pink, brown or yellow and it made my TEETH hurt because of the pure SUGAR it is probably made out of. sugar and pink. okay and so i think i am growing out of sweet things. i'm growing out of food.
and THEN i thought well. well when i was little and probably still even now i always loved cakes and sweet things and they were/are my favourite
and this is hard to explain the link
but sometimes i think that sex and food have been closely linked in my life before sort of not in a literal way but i always felt they were.
and so really what i am thinking is if i grow out of this certain sort of food will i grow out of a certain sort of sex?
or is sex less pinned-down than that? PINned.
well because i just dont know. i think really if i am being embarrassingly honest and why not that actually all my life i have been. really sexual. and THIS is horribly private but really it is true im like SEXUALLY ALIVE from some ridiculously tiny age. probably even infact defintiely before i was ROMANTICALLY alive. anyway i really enjoy having sex and just. being generally sexual.
and i suppose i have a similar thing with food? because i just enjoy tasting things so much. i hate being full though.
i guess that is similar, right?
the thing is it is hard to feel like yourself when you talk about sex.
i think sex is probably mostly what EVERYTHING is based on and half of me feels like im dressed in black lace and corset and suspenders that you can just see when i lay down. and i feel so attractive and BURLESQUE man, and just oh just attraction. yeah, like you cant help but look at the parts of the suspenders you can see.
and the other half of me feels like this girl who does art and thinks about things and makes connections between things and i laugh like a baby and wear stupid shoes and wants to eat whateverthehell she likes for breakfast, thankyou.
today i told someone thatit is best to treat each person you like completely different from every other person ever because they ARE completely different and really i am nothing like anyone youve ever met and youre like no one ive ever met and i cant get over how incredibly part of the world that makes me feel, i'm like COMMUNITY SPIRIT and it makes me feel so FINE and NEW and so good about myself.
today i feel open even though things are going so badly wrong and im so much in love, actually.
im so much in love actually, that i feel like it is all do-able.
(which is dumb because the do-able thing is supposed to be not being in love. right?)
XXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZOZOZOZXXZXZZXZXZ
oh yeah im going to america for two weeks to escape how vile autumn is.
whispered by killa b at 8:18 PM |
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