beth motherfucking kirby.

b thang.

SHUTUP in my boudoir

29.1.05

crack open our cans

what a stronjay weekend. saturday. whatever. that's my first point. what's with every day being a sunday? even when i go to school.

i had a cut on my throat from the corner of my jaw to the centre of my neck, it's gone.
there's a girl in my school with an enourmous scar from ear to ear, like some second putrid smile.
but she never smiles.
everytime i see her around i wonder how she got it.
it bends her neck out of shape so its like a tube, with a tiny chin precipice.

i'm painting a ginormous (well, 16" by 16") picture of myself while simultaeneously trying to learn a piece of french controlled coursework.

i've felt lots of ways today. i sometimes get the sneaking suspiscion i think too much.

KA-BLAMO

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26.1.05

deep in this hole we've dug for ourselves.

you know.
i know you feel it too.

let's pretend we don't.

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23.1.05

ATTENTION ATTENTION that's not all we write for?

ive been having some trouble with my head.

it gets you down when everyone around you is down, and everyone who calls is down and everyone you talk about is down.

infact, i'm sad.

i don't know how to explain anymore.

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snow.

cursive are so good.
they're so good they make me feel sick.
they make utterly beautiful music, and if they don't touch you then you don't deserve the pearls you see reflected in the screen before you.

here are some lyrics, couplets, that might make you lean:

"i'll try to make this perfectly clear,
I'm so transparent i dissapear"

"picture postcards, three minute essays,
we can never fit in what we want to say"

"there's a ghost in my bed
she cries in her sleep
she says i won't let her be.
I lie perfectly still, she stifles her tears
i don't want to disturb her."

and the sounds, the sounds they make just make me shiver everytime. and tim kasher's voice. i'd marry his voice and his heart and his head.
you must hear them.

must.

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19.1.05

ive been listening to blood brothers again

They fill me with feelings.
Today, frustration.

Did you know a fustrum or a frustum (i cannot recall) is a cone with the point take off?
Well, it is.

It's cold.
I took the day off school.

I ate a brownie, and wore 3 kinds of underwear.

I'm trying to paint a large picture of myself. It's very difficult. It's okay so far.
Its so cold in here.

Sometimes people don't type like they are talking to other people but like they are just excerpting their brain. I decided i like it - although sometimes it's hard to understand.
I feel out of touch with people i've never really been in touch with. Christ, it's cold. I wish i was in touch with them, often. I'd like to maybe have a telepathic conversation with several people I've never met and probably never will. For some reason, i am imagining it to be blue and vaguely metallic, with some kind of mystic portal for each person. It might be fun, and there'd be ham sandwiches (even though really ham sandwiches arent the best food to serve at telepathic parties). When i talk or type about thing they always have their own special picture in my head.

Today i am explaining about myself, because most people who read this (which is actually the most miniscule population of the WHOLE human race) don't know me. Actually, there are probably only 3 people who read this. Well only one for sure. And that person does know me. BUT if someone else reads it i am explaining about myself because you don't know anything about me.

i hate when you have something in your hair but you can't see what it is because it's in you hair. I am guessing most people who read this will know this something to be paint.

for most people who don't read this: basically, i am a terribly lazy person with pretty low, and deeply, deeply embedded self-esteem, but sometimes i make things or do things which other people think are beautiful. And sometimes i make things or do things for people which let them know i care about them. I am clever, and (believe it or not) modest. But also honest. I'm a critic. Sometimes i actually quite like to show off. but that is only sometimes. Sometimes i get really, realy sad. I can make people laugh. I only cry in bed though, because i look after people. i don't know why, but they shouldnt look after me. I like taking photos, and i like when they come out well even more. I am currently trying to be un-lazy, so as to get a film full of scissors and ice developed. i want to get back and paint but i feel sick and i dont want to paint witout music but i don't want to have music on but it's too quiet but i don't want noise.

this was supposed to be a different sort of entry, but it seems
it isnt.

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12.1.05

scientists

17, 17.
i had a short talk about samsara, you know karma and reincarnation and things, while i was walking home.
if i was ever a bird, i hope my carcass is taped to a board like this.
it's really hard to imagine a personality in a bird, proper, definable essence of self.
katy said, katy said that you must be concious of the transition to whatever is next.
if this isnt step one, i disagree. there's such a lot to say. maybe that's what the whole alien thing is. maybe thats the next step, or the step after that.
katy wants to come back as a barn owl.

i am in a mood for sighing.
in a good way.

sometimes bad.
some hours today just got eaten today, this cold room smells of paint.

there is one last shard of colour in the sky.
goodbye. goodbye.

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8.1.05

meet me in the changing rooms.

you know what's great?
double dips.

they're really great.
good old swizzles matlow, hm?
doubledips are really, really great.

there's never quite enough swizzle stick to go round.
this one has THREE kinds of sherbet.

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2.1.05

yee-fuckin'-hah

happy new year, everybody(!)
i hope you enjoyed 2004, i liked it immensely.
immensely.

okay here are some resolutions i can tell you:
1. to be a bit thinner

2. to become QUEEN ON BEJEWELED. ahem.

3. to see michael alot more

everybody, listen to more:
- blood brothers
- the unicorns
- weezer
- at the drive-in
- cursive
- glassjaw
- thursday, i guess
- alexisonfire
- the microphones
- any bugger you can really sing/dance to.

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