whispered by killa b at 10:33 PM | 0 answerphone msgs

28.9.04

new arrival (not a baby)

my holga came today!
i have already taken 3 what wil undoubtedly be shit photos already!
it came in paper and string, from hong kong.
it is so fun.

i have had mixed feelings in every different possible way today (except one)

it is precisely one month until the day i have possibly been living for my entire life.

i am currently harbouring two boxes of oreos

im happy.

whispered by killa b at 6:56 PM | 0 answerphone msgs

26.9.04

books/dreams/sleep/owls.

dream 2:
we were reading a book, me and a blond girl, and talking while walking through a cobbled town. the shops were low and grey, and the sky was the colour of lemon sqush, cloudy.
a shop window was painted black.
a flurry of other things happened and we were living the story, and that is why she made me read it. because it was going to happen.

so in this book, a family of (suitably cool) children were you know, renegades, fighting against an evil opression of a kind of government. i thought the book was to kill a mockingbirdbut it's clearly not. same kind of kids.

there was a small slope, on one side gravel and corn plants, big spiky plastic-feeling leaves, growing up the hill. the other side was a field stretching on for miles, behind that: trees, hills, mountains.
a group of us arrived in black cabs. a specifically remember the leader not being there.
a small portuguese girl was, with long black hair and black eyes, a blue linen dres and bruises on her arms. a tall thin man (of the opposition) stood amonggst the plants. he said 'go over the hill' and it was all very very scary.
i was the first to climb the slope, not knowing what i was doing. i climbed back down to get the girl and we went over again. but the ridge of the slope was so thin that we leant over it like bars at a playground.
she balanced. i started to go over, the pressure on my stomach. i could feel myself tipping to fall to the ground.
i woke up with my heart beating three-fold, the pressure on my stomach still there and my head reeling.

x

whispered by killa b at 1:39 PM | 0 answerphone msgs

24.9.04

shock shock horror horror

shock shock horror! look! LOOK!

i made it. all by myself.
are you proud?


today i feel floppy. like a sack of flour with a hole. tired and giggly and weak and unconcentrated. i watched clouds with a girl named roxy (who is my best friend), we saw lots of things as we lay on the cement stage, the sun burning her sunken stomach and my bent legs. we laughed alot and freaked out a nice boy who was high.
i miss him.i havent really spoken to him for a matter of days (one-and-a-half, to be precise-ish). my sanity is waning.
i taste icing for a small cake i have just eaten a smaller slice of.
i feel like walking in corn fields. fortunately, not fields of barley. drive time songs this is not.

i want to buy things.
i want to speak to him.
i am losing weight.
and trying to not look to happy.





and failing.

whispered by killa b at 8:29 PM | 0 answerphone msgs

23.9.04

wow

wow
Originally uploaded by phonelines.

whispered by killa b at 5:14 PM | 0 answerphone msgs

a little....bit.....lost

i need someone to give a lesson on how to make this look they way *i* want, and to not use inynet speak as i dont particularly comprehend algorithms and code.
so if any one could tell me how to get the background and header etc that i want i will pay you in someway, hopefully (for you) not in meatballs, a la rosie of 'wedding singer' fame, not only because i can't make them, or indeed they would be very difficult to post, but i am sure you wouldnt really want one.

whispered by killa b at 4:53 PM | 0 answerphone msgs

20.9.04

(old)

from the 17th:


what is with people not understanding these days?
it seems i am one of those black, rib-cage-looking dustbins (which get tipped upside down in theback of the trucks) for everyones problems.i don't mind. i don't mind listening to people, and talking back, and listening and trying to help and listening and talking and making up some really perceptive-sounding sentences come out of my mouth so often it makes my throat sore.i think it is wonderful that people look up to me/trust me as much as that. as much to say what someone i know very well is doing to them, and i won't say a word.
i am a diplomacy all by myself.
and it seems that people just dont know what i want. i dont want to talk about anything in return as some kind of compensation. it doesnt have to be a God Damned Swap. i can give and give and give. maybe i dont want to talk about anything. maybe i am happy with a book of lined paper and a fucking pencil. maybe i have let some people down.maybe i am not exuding as much wit, as much intelligence, as much lucidity and confidentiality as i have had of late. perhaps it's time i just didnt give a damn.
"MAYBE". what's the sign on the lolly pop? it's the why-must-beff-be-so-nebulous-about-her-intent-stop!
and what's more, what's fucking more is that people dont understand that ALL i want to do, aside from eat dolly mixture and draw lackadaisically, is talk to him. I will go to him. I will talk to him. If i need to. They dont know he he is i guess. Well, i dont guess. I know whole-heartedly. But he is who i want to talk to. And he makes me feel better. He is my medicine. Like on those tiny plastic spoons, and when your parents feed you it, they make that motion with their mouths, so you eat the medicine. Like that. Except he manages to open the bottle, pour it out, make the motion and be swallowed all at once.
What a talented young fellow. I think he has got to know me a little better. I wonder if he likes it.

things i did/have done to day:
1. a frenchman told me that i was experiencing "proper english rain" except he said rain like "ren".
2. i wore a plaster.
3. i drunk 250ml of chocolate milkshake through ridiculously small straws sutured together.
4. a) read an awe-inspiring poem.
4. b) read it out.
5. knew i could do sums.
6. felt immense feelings of some unknown melancholy for a boy drawing.
7. got wet feet.
8. had my photo taken.

two things to do:1. make icing


2. touch the curve where the corner of my jaw reels into my neck becuase it is soft and it makes me feel safe.

whispered by killa b at 7:13 PM | 0 answerphone msgs

19.9.04

*ahem*

so as the wildebeest of time gallop ever closer into the sunset of mykel, i find myself creating a blog.
oh dear lord.
i'm lost already. i'm sure i left my mum in the 'tinned cat food' aisle..

whispered by killa b at 4:06 PM | 0 answerphone msgs