b thang.

[newest]
every drawing that i drew was nev-er ev-er ascuteasyou.
i have this one shape in my head that is a neckline of a shirt i have. like a soft wineglass. man, that shirt feels like the feeling i get when i shave my legs and get into be and it is, frictionless. dull soapy smooth.
it is raining again. what happened to the supposed summer. jesus, a month ago it was going to be the best ever. two months ago.
i'm looking for a job. i want to be ROOM SERVICE. ROOOOM SERVISSSSS. no i actually really want to work in this one hotel just they are posh and im scared and i already called them and they said to come in this afternoon but instead i want to see if i can score a majorette jacket with my dad's money so i want to go in thursday so ill have to call them up again in a minute.
not to sound ridiculous. but there is something i want really lots and it is so me. thats the ridiculous part.
okay.
it's a fucking bee outfit. it is incredible. YES A BEE OUTFIT okay gosh.
its like a stripey dress with a tutu at the bottom. it has 19 days left, and maybe if i get my job i will buy it and oh MAN ill be happy. its SO FUCKING NANG.
it iwll be funny. while i am making beds or carrying trays. how i imagine coins and circles of colour falling to fill up a shape of me. just so i can buy a bee outfit.
it will be my secret
i will not tell anyone
only i will know why i am working there.
also. i am going to try and make some rubbish urban art to go on a tshirt and if people go HEY I LIKE YOUR RUBBISH DRUGGY URBAN SHIT i might get paid £200 or something.
i want to drink orange squash from a thick red plastic cup like i used to.
this morning my thighs were the colour of setting tallow and i remembered red plastic, strawberry girls, boyfriends.
and i smiled a folded smile
at how things were.
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